| | rant 240: what happened to you, child stars?
I remember Dickie Roberts with David Spade. Not that it was particularly funny, but it was inevitably considering the sheer number of child stars who wound up with, shall we say, "mixed" careers. Everything that's happened with Danny Bonaduce, Gary Coleman, etc. just sort-of built up this wonderful Hollywood machine:
Phase 1: be adorable.
Phase 2: receive adoration
Phase 3: shatter the reputation by growing up
Phase 4: act like the problem is that you were famous and made millions while other kids just shattered their adorability without being in the spotlight.
Phase 5: profit.
Bonaduce, Coleman, Mackulay Culkin, Drew Barrymore, Ralphie from A Christmas Story, the Olsen twins, Haley Joel Osment, Corey Heim - hell, I would even argue Malcom Jamal Warner (nothing criminal here, just a messed-up role on Weeds) - all set the bar pretty high (or low).
But now we have Kirk Cameron. Instead of drugs, Kirk is giving away copies of Origin of Species with a creationist introduction at colleges. Um...praise Jesus, I guess? The only thing dumber than this is that the news article I read felt compelled to actually interview a Professor about it.
What's next for his publishing company? Ben Franklin's Autobiography with an introduction arguing Franklin was really a stand-up Christian? The Kama Sutra with an introdution about the importance of Christian marriage? Thus Spake Zarathustra with an introduction by the pope? Principia Mathmatica, with interspliced reminders that it's only true if God wills it? This is not why we have public domain.
I don't know about you, but I prefer my child stars overdosing on heroin instead of overdosing on Christ. I'm Christian. I think religion is a great thing. Selling warped copies of a classic with half-baked science isn't.
Give me Jody Sweetin's self-destruction over Candice Cameron's Christian home-schooling any day of the week. Better yet: a child star who turns out completely normal.
Anyway, life ticks on. School is lousy. Here's to striking it rich before I have to find a job in 3 years.
We got our TV hooked up today. It stormed for the first time in weeks and we lost the reception. It's like getting a really cool present for Christmas you can't play with for an hour at 6 pm. On the bright side, I didn't have TV yesterday to watch the Illinois game.
I did, however, find enough time to catch Pawn Stars on the History Channel. I hate when I see something and think "man, that would be a cool," because they show these guys buying up all sorts of cool stuff. Of course, in real life you have be certified and have a buttload of capital and inventory, not to mention a willingness to be ripped off and possibly shot at. I know the neighborhood I live in. Still, it never fails when I see something cool on TV I think "man, that wouldn't be bad to do at all." I think the right show would convince me being a sewer maitenence worker or gravedigger would be totally awesome. "...and Chester has never had to buy a suit because he just waits until the right size comes along!"
I can't believe I spent a good chunk of this rambling about child stars and their extremes. I might as well start watching Grey's Anatomy.
9 minutes of youtube fun, now with patriotism! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZW3TazHW3E (skip to 4 minutes)
|
| | Posted 9/28/2009 12:22 AM - 5 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
