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sonofabird
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Name: Justin
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: St. Louis
Birthday: 9/21/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: i like places and most things. people i can take or leave. wait, that might've sounded bad, but i think we all know what i meant.
Expertise: the futility of the chicago cubs,
2nd tier television of the 90s,
american politics and history,
obscure boutique religion,
the history of and writing for film,
support staffing at law firms,
inappropriate humor,
ironic/sarcastic assholery,
notice how none of these things actually benefit me in life?,
u of illinois sports,
intermediate hack piano playing,
americanized italian cooking,
northwestern university/evanston, il,
obnoxious intellectualism,
basic geekism,
the hilarious fun of central illinois,
meeting odd strangers,
occaisional self loathing,
erotic seduction of the right hand
*******wow...that list was mostly honest...(except the last one, that was a joke - it keeps turning me down!)
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  jhagan83
Member Since:
11/7/2003
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| rant 234: get ye advertising off my korean-run journal site!
So I log on today and click on my previous entry and what is it that I see to the left of my text? A long, vertical advertisement for none other than Sarah M. Palin. Ah, such is the beauty of this ball of cables. I devote an entire paragraph to slamming the woman and telling her to creep into the woods and her advertising winds up on my page through absolutely no effort on either my part or hers. You can't get that sort of irony with the old-school printing presses. No, siree, if you wrote an editorial highly criticizing someone, usually they had the good sense not to buy adertising space RIGHT NEXT TO IT. God bless you, oh great cyberreality we're all slowly sinking into. I'm not kidding; with smartphones apparently everyone is about 5 years away from being fully connected at all times and answering email instantly. I can't wait.
While I'm talking about annoying large mouse-like things with undue amounts of money and power, I'd like to complain about Disney for a moment.
Last weekend Melissa and I got a copy of Spirited Away, the acclaimed Japanese cartoon. The US rights to Spirited Away were bought by Disney while some of the Pixar guys pushed it while Disney and Pixar were more in bed with each other than they are now. Instead of just releasing the film with subtitles like The Criterion Collection does, Disney decided to redub an English soundtrack with James Marsden, John Ratzenberger, and a variety of other actors. At face value, I don't think this is an offensive concept; what is offensive is when you ALTER AND ADD LINES. Yes, Disney decided that even though Spirited Away was the highest grossing film of all-time in Japan, it needed a little "Disnification" and therefore it substantially changes the denoumont of the film to more resemble The Lion King 6: Simba Applies for Medicare or Life-Size 2: Tyra Strikes Back. We had no idea and naively watched it as-it-came, then later found out from an internet discussion that it's a different experience if you watch it with Japanese audio and standard subtitles.
Here's the thing: people who search out Spirited Away are likely not watching their first foreign film nor their first cartoon. The benefit of changing an ending just so it might be slightly more appealing to American children and drugged-up parents is minimal compared to the damage done with people who want to see the film because it was acclaimed so broadly in Japan. It was a better movie with the original Japanese and Disney had no busienss Disnifying it. Christ, it's about a girl who goes into a land of pagan spirits and gets sucked into working in a bathhouse while falling in love with a guy/dragon who is imprisoned by a Japanese witch after her parents have been transformed into pigs. This isn't Pocahontas here, and changing a few lines isn't going to make it any more palatable to kids into whatever shit Disney is peddling now.
While I'm at it, here's a few more things Disney has ruined/tried to ruin:
1. Their reputation as a good/prestigious employer.
2. CEO wage structures, by paying Michael Eisner ridiculously (the equivalent of 100k an hour) for (to be blunt) fucking up repeatedly.
3. Public Domain/Copyright law.
4. Their own damned theme parks.
5. The reasonable cost of a bottle of water.
I was also thinking about it yesterday, how when I was in college we were reading CivalWarLand in Bad Decline along with another story set in a theme park talking about theme parks and how it's the image of places like Disney World that they're like fantasylands where there is no suffering or death.
I had never thought about theme parks that way. Probably because when I young we were at Epcot center my dad wound up resuscitating a man who'd had a heart attack before the medics could get there. I don't remember this, but I've heard about it enough. Since it was father's day yesterday I was thinking about my dad and how he he taught me the value of magnamimous duty/service by interrupting our family vacations on multiple times to help people and whatnot, how we've stopped on multiple occaisions for him to check on people in car wrecks.
It's not that he needed any kind of compensation for living up to medical school oaths, but here's a contrast: Disney never acknowledged that my father substantially helped preventing someone from dying on their property, but the National Park Service moved our family to the front of a line we weren't even in at the Statue of Liberty because my dad gave miminal medical advice to someone who had minor difficulties in the extreme heat and was already receiving medical attention.
That said, I do still love their theme parks, and Jasmine is still hot in that exotic ethnic way. Let's see if they advertise on my blog now!
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| rant 233: I'm sorry, ms. palin, and I am for real...
I have a love/hate relationship with David Letterman. On one hand, I love that he has the balls to not only go forth with a bad joke - something about Sarah Palin's daughter getting knocked up by Alex Rodriguez - but also to mildly defend himself while inviting her on the show (see this: http://news-briefs.ew.com/2009/06/david-letterman-responds-to-flap-over-sarah-palin-jokes.html). At the same time, I'm annoyed with him for bringing her back into the spotlight.
This is a woman who just needs to go the hell away, slurk (made-up word, but I'm rambling, so it's cool) back into the mines of Alaska and stay there until I'm no longer drawing breath. Seriously, is it really necessary to continually give publicity to an air-head, egotistical beauty queen who is running the largest land mass in the union while not being able to speak on any kind of intellectual level? Please, just go away, and while you're away with your daughter and her baby's daddy, please learn how to inrepret a fucking joke correctly. If anything, it's about Alex Rodriguez more than her duaghters. I don't see him complaining. Why? Because he knows that being fodder for Letterman and co. is part of the price he pays for who he is and what he chose to do with his life. Dummy.
Went garage saling (made-up, albeit-commonly-used verb, but my poetic license just was reinstated) today. Got some good finds for our apartment in Chicago, but the most interesting thing was the trend of analog televisions being unloaded for next-to nothing. I'm not quite sure I understand the point of everyone switching to digital. If it was really a money/energy saver that was worth it, wouldn't the television stations have already done it? I also think analog signals need to be opened up if the technology isn't going to be used anymore. I mean, the whole point of restricting analog, if I remember correctly, was that the competing signals would be counter-productive/wasteful. I've probably been misinfiormed, but it would be cool if they just let anyone broadcast whatever the hell they want on analog.
While I'm riffing glibertarian (stupid portmanteau neologism copyrighted by moi), I'd like to express my disgruntlement over the current debate over health care. I'd be okay with fully government-funded health care, I really would, because I view it as a universal necessity on par with military spending...as long as it's properly funded and taxed. I'd also be okay with government apathy and complete privatization. What I'm not okay with is spending 60 years completely ignoring budgetary concerns while promising benefits that outweigh what people put into the system because technological advances affect health care spending habits and then all of a sudden - during an issue-ridden recession, mind you - realizing that something needs to be done about it because we're losing money at an alarming rate.
It really annoys me that people want a lot more out of something than they're willing to put in and think it's not only a good idea but indefinitealy sustainable.
Anyway, I need to move on. 'Til next time I have a half-hour to kill, my precious neglected xanga page, 'til next time.
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| rant 232: yes, Billy, it's okay to lie.
I only wrote one xanga blog in May. I'm going to get this one in before midnight, probably, so that will make it two. Still a dry month by most standards. I'd like to lie and say I've been superbusy, but ma told me to never lie, except for that one time when the cops showed up asking questions. Other than that, it's truth or silence.
I've never really been a car enthusiast - I guess I skipped that day of "guy school" - but I can't help but be occaisionally captivated by pictures and lore of old automobiles. Today I wound up spending a good 40 minutes on Jay Leno's Garage (http://www.jaylenosgarage.com/cars/index.shtml), where he showcases his impressive car collection while providing some splendid information (now I know what a rotary engine is!).
The best video I saw was probably the one about his '67 Chrysler. I'm sure there's others, but I'm not watching all of them. Sheesh. Highlights: "This car has four cigarette lighters...you can drive yourself to the cemetary." "This car is a hybrid. You put gas in it, and then you get out on the freeway it needs even more gas." "When my dad went to buy his Ford Galaxie, the salesperson showed him how to hide the seatbelt by tucking it into the crease of the seat. Not like you'd ever need to use it or anything."
Honorable mention would be that one of his Lamborghinis came with a hammer under the seat as a "safety feature" so you could hack out the windshield.
One thing I saw that really made me respect Jay more was that his first purchase in the collection was a '55 Buick that he bought when he first went to Los Angeles and didn't really have a lot. It was his only car and he drove it everywhere. I have to give someone major credit who is so much into their hobby that they do something like that when their funds are limited. I actually feel happy for him that he found a lot of success and money, because I feel like he's actually doing something he loves with his money rather than being a dope who just snaps up the latest high-concept sports cars.
Anyway, it reminded me I used to not mind going through car shows. Never cared much for the engines, but the looks of classic American cars will never be replicated in style, while British Justin prefers the class of old Austin Healeys and Jaguars.
It's an odd coincidence that thinking about Jay Leno's last show led me to go to his site to check out his car collection and reminisce about various American automobiles. GM files for bankruptcy in a few hours, loses its place in the Dow Jones, and probably will never be able what it once was, despite hippie administrations' fancy views of emerging from bankruptcy. So now our industry strength is a car company whose patriarch family can't put a winning football team on the field. Go figure, eh?
I didn't mean to write about cars. Just turned out that way, as not a lot else is going on. I'm happy summer rapidly approaching. I can't wait to go back to school. Yada yada.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbbJmsRYrnc
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| Rant 231: oh, humanity
I think I've realized my opinion of humanity in general has somehow skidded downhill from its already-low point. I find myself having thoughts I would describe variously as Nietzschean, Machiavellian, objectivist, fascist, etc., thoughts like "America would be a great place if it weren't for the idiots generally finding a way to run things" and 'it's times like this democracy really blows. Let's bring back kings!"
I'm not supposed to have these thoughts though, paradoxically, I have the freedom to do so. I'm supposed to believe in democracy and the right to vote and equality and that all men are created equal. This propaganda has been implanted into my involuntary brain functions. But then we elected a government that's mismanaged/mismanaging the place right into the ground fiscally. I mean, they couldn't even declare bankruptcy properly! (How about next time we NOT give Chrysler 4 bln before forcing them into Chapter 11 and laying everyone off anyway, okay?) Our social security and medicare programs are set to collapse, the environment has issues, we have natural resource problems in multiple areas, and yet we've still found time to spend the last 8 years hunkering our military on the other half of the Earth. Not to be cynical, but have we actually solved ANY long term issue since the cold war ended?
I just look at our current political system of no one wanting to really compromise and make hard decisions and I see it like the middle of a Dr. Seuss morality tale.
Sorry about the cynacism, but I just off the phone with Hoppy McGee. Hoppy is a made-up name for a student at Northwestern who gets paid to spend his Wednesday evenings calling alumni for donations as opposed to studying and actually becomming an intelligent member of our alumni someday.
Here's how this should have gone:
Him: [inane questions about my life]
Me: I'm going back to school in the fall.
Him: Oh, I understand that you're probably saving money for that. If you'd like to donate a small amount of money to NU, I'd be happy to take it, but we understand your situation and hope that after school you'll use your new position to donate to NU.
Me: I'll definitely consider that! You have a nice night.
Him: You too!
Here's how this actually went:
Him: [inane questions about my life]
Me: I'm going back to school in the fall.
Him: Can I start you off on a $100 a month pledge plan?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't feel I've gotten enough back from my investment in NU to warrant a donation at this time.
Him: Oh, I understand you're unable to give at this time...
Me: Oh no, I'm able. I just don't want to. I don't think it would be right. After I have a graduate degree and my education is paying back more in tangible returns, I'll surely consider donating to Northwestern.
Him: Dude, that's totally cool. I totally understand that and I respect that but I need to tell you about our YOUNG ALUMNI CHALLENGE because blah blah blah blah blah if we had a higher participation from our young alumni we would've moved up to EIGTH in the USNWR rankings!!! jibbity jabbity jibbity jabbity a donation as much as $25 dollars can really help boost our ranking; I know you care about these rabble rabble rabble rabble.
Me: [repeating what I said earlier].
I tried to be nice, because honestly it's probably not the 20-year old 's fault he has to read scripts to people who don't want to hear them, but I probably came off like an asshole. Maybe I'm just turning into a curmudgeon, but I feel my irritation is justified. Why, might you ask?
a) nearly all grad students take out loans to fund their studies. such students are, normally, in no position to be donating 1200 a year to their filthy rich college.
b) USNWR rankings are lame. I refuse to evaluate college by any publication whose sole relevance in the world seems to be ranking elite colleges and having Yale-want-to-be parents/students buy their services and brag. Hey, if you're actually US News and World Reports, why not actually be relevant to NEWS and the WORLD? And donation rankings? Are you serious? Why not evaluate who's solving cancer, composing symphonies, teaching public high schools, and writing bitter diatribes on their blogs?
c) my current position realizes less in annual salary than one year of combined expenses and tuition at NU. As far as a benchmark goes, I think that's a pretty good one.
most importantly:
d) I don't like being PANHANDLED in my own home at 8:47 pm when I have to get up for work at 5 the next day.
Gosh, I wish George Carlin were still alive, because I'd call him. I probably wouldn't get through, but I'd give the oeprator an earful.
I don't think I qualify as an angry young man anymore since I think Green Day is a bunch of sell-outs and I have no idea who else is out there. I like semi-bitter, ironic bands like the Decemberists and the Mountain Goats, but they're really only "angry" if you're at a fundraiser for Darfur or NPR.
So I guess I'm an angry old man. And I think everyone knows what I'm striving for: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGfx3QAV64M
and no, i don't want to publish this fucking entry to my nonexistent facebook profile!
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| rant 230: you say goodbye, but i say
Why hello, Xanga. It's been a long time since I've posted here. Well, a long time in internet time. Two weeks. In internet time people live and die in six months. Like Susan Boyle, everyone's favorite middle-aged cat-woman who's just like, amazing, even though she's a cat-woman so I'm going to waste minutes of my life watching her sing and do follow-ups and blech. Is this really how sad we've become? That we're all completely enamored with the fact that a 47-year old unattractive woman may have talent in something?
The only reason this is "news" is that the megaconglomerate entertainment industry decided a long time ago to kick everyone out who is unattractive or over the age of 30 out of the public spotlight. And why did they do this? Because people are more marketable when they're attractive and in a media age where you have to see the people creating the music, it's better to be young and attractive. And why are people more marketable? Because - and this is a kicker - the average viewer thinks art is better when the person making it is attractive. I'm not even kidding - I heard this on the radio the other day. Books are far more likely to gain critical review if the author's picture is attractive.
Basically, the fuss over Susan Boyle is humanity exploiting its own shallowness. Twenty-eight years of MTV have numbed everyone and made the world believe you have to be attractive, skinny, and young to be a decent singer, which is ridiculous, but that's how we've made things. Now stop clogging my google news page that she's gotten a makeover. Thanks.
It's actually really saddening to think if Zola, Tolstoy, or Gertrude Stein were alive today they might be ignored compelely by critics because of the face on the dust jacket.
In the segment I like to call "internet people I like," you can add the Pirate Bay people. First, they're like Swedish or something, which has earned good favor with me ever since this man and this woman. Wouldn't it kick ass if they somehow reproduced together? Anyway, the Pirate Bay is, if you don't know, a torrent site, which means they host no content, merely provide directions to download stuff in small bits. They lost a major lawsuit and were slapped with like a 5 million dollar fine, but they basically came out and said they'll be victorious anyway.
And they will. 25 million users. I've watched Napster, Kazaa, Limewire, SoulSeek, etc. all more or less die. If Pirate Bay joins them, so what? It's obvious we need a new method of entertainment distribution in this country. Some TV stations get it and host their content for free streaming with advertising revenue. I'm sorry, your business model of shelling out DVDs for 26 bucks is horribly flawed. That's life. That's also businss. The horse-and-buggies makers didn't hide behind laws when the cars came to town, nor did they claim that transportation or the art of equestrian would die. Art isn't going away because people decide to trade stuff for free. Hell, independent music and film is thriving with technology, not dying. Dickheads.
Anyway, that's all for now. In the meantime, I'll be hoping I'm famous enough some day for South Park to make fun of both my hubris and my love of certain foods at the same time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYjdu1TysA8
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